Clive Simpkins

One-fingered posting

Been a fascinating few days. Culminating in Carpal Tunnel surgery (nope 'twasn't an underground operation! Google it if curious enough...) which means I'm typing this with one finger of left hand (that's kinda Zen isn't it?). Plus we have a new baby addition to the household. Her name is Nkosinathi, meaning 'God is with us'. May the Wise Ones bless her path on this planet and may she one day leave it an improved place as a result of how she lived her life, is my prayer.

It's interesting to speculate whether her 3 years and 4 months old brother, Siphesihle (beautiful gift), understands that the one-time bulge in mum's tummy is now the peaceful little bundle on her lap? Or whether he relates to her merely as someone else who's somehow entered the clan. I was three years old when my younger sister came along and I have no recollection whatsoever of her arrival. Or could that just be selective memory? Kidding! Either way, now that we have the gender pinned down, I'll attack Woolworths with one hand tomorrow and stock up on some pretty pink duds for the little lady. I was given the privilege by her parents, of naming her. Thank you Khululiwe and Mduduzi.

The philosphical learning out of the Carpal Tunnel surgery is: Incapacitated hand it lead to short posting.

Mainland Chinese no have centre of gravity

I've had a little run of Killer Whales a.k.a. Orcas, in the last week. Remember Free Willy? Yep. That sort of seal-pestering if comical-looking aquatic fella.

I bought a battery-powered (seriously effective little turbine motor- driven) approximately 15cm-long Orca to add joy to the bathtub and swimming pool routine of my grandson, Siphesihle. Only to discover that the mainland Chinese manufacturers had messed up this not inexpensive toy by getting the centre of gravity totally wrong. He moves forward OK but in a chronic 'must catch that seal' nose-up position. Disappointing. Not worth the petrol and hassle factor of taking him back to Pick'n Pay in Hyde Park either. I suppose it could have been worse - the Orca might have turbined along with his bum in the air. I can't help feeling though, that had this been a toy purchased from Woolworths, it would have been 'test-driven' by their quality assurance people before reaching the shelves.

Yesterday, in response to a veritable cacophony of demands, I bought an inflatable killer whale from Dion stores in Sandton. He's about two metres long and promised to add hours of joy to swimming pool time. The picture on the box is seductive and looks like this would be a stable and safe pool toy - although obviously still requiring adult supervision when being ridden by a 3.5 year old, built in grab-handles notwithstanding. Imagine our huge disappointment and my chagrin when we found that the whale goes belly-up in response to the slightest movement of the kid sitting on it. The inadvertently submarine Siphesihle was rescued with everything except dignity and composure intact. The packing box contains a slew of info about the safety and compliance of this product, but I'm beginning to have serious reservations about any longer buying anything that is mainland Chinese manufactured. The producers seem to have two thoughts in mind: 1) Get it to market. 2) Bugger the quality and safety, just bring in the bucks.

If mainland Chinese manufacturers want to build product and reputation credibility in global markets, they're going to have to do way better than they presently are. Maybe they should skip across the strait to Taiwan and instead of sabre-rattling, take a few lessons in quality assurance, safety and consumer satisfaction. Or are we forever going to deal with the same 'don't give a toss' mindset that seemingly prevails about safety and quality, with disastrous (almost daily) consequences in their mining industry? Methinks it's wake-up time lads!

Value chain's missing links

Fortunes are spent on advertising, marketing and communications to build a brand identity and image. And then companies will go put that at risk, by design or default, through having in the value chain, people over whom they have no quality control. And that includes the call centres of those 'links' in the chain.

I've just gone through an artery-bursting two days trying to get a satellite tracking device fitted to a vehicle. I decided after many years of being with a useless (and expensive) insurance broker, to do the de riguer 'thing' and go direct. I called Outsurance and got utterly brilliant service from their 'Soggie'. Either he's on amphetamines or he really does love his call centre new business job. He's got energy, he engages you in a warm and empathic manner and even if he does occasionally overuse 'fabulous' to describe most things, it was an altogether fabulous (did I say that?) experience.

Outsurance then e-mailed Netstar (part of the Altech group in South Africa) to call me with a view to installing the tracking device. That's when the wheels came off. I dealt with Martin at Netstar and it was a really frustrating experience. Call not returned, no passion, 'technicians can only fit it in a week's time' etc. 'Talking to Technical Manager'. Slack and unacceptable.

So being the militant, pain in the arse consumer I am, I called Outsurance back and we switched the fitment to Tracker. Tracker were willing to install the device the very next day - on site, without an additional call-out fee. Now that's decent service! Orchid for Tracker and in particular their Carrie-Ann Singh, the installation scheduler, who followed everything through to the nth degree. Well done girl! You deserve a salary increase.

Until this point in my odyssey the distinction for me, between the various tracking device companies, was blurred.  I've found their advertising confusing and generic. But I sure as hell do know the difference now - based purely on service differentiation.

My advice to the customer-centric and service-orientated Outsurance? My experience with Soggie is totally congruent with your advertising promise - and that's both rare'n laudable. But some of your suppliers are pissing in the soup. Maybe do what Woolworths do. Put one of your own enthusiastic people in charge of your client's calls in the tracking company call centres. Maybe make the inimitable Soggie the customer-care or quality assurance manager. But right now, the likes of Netstar are doing damage to your reputation because of their failure to provide a firm and professional link in the value chain. Go sic em!