Clive Simpkins

Game farms masquerading as conference centres

Being (as are many of my peers) a public speaker in addition to my ‘real job’ ;-) I’m occasionally off to odd locations for the purpose. Starting about two years ago, there’s been a marked acceleration in the trend for companies to do the ‘game lodge’ thing for conferences. And they’re generally an unmitigated disaster. With rare exceptions, the focus is largely on the ‘bush experience’ and very thin on conference amenities or competent management, trained to deliver on the marketing objectives of your event.

Last year I facilitated and talked at a game farm in the far North West. They tried their best, but the guests were scattered among 5 separate camps. The furthest – wait for this – was a full 45 minute bumpy ride in an open Landrover from the main conferencing venue. So getting the guests into the obligatory boma for the evening meal was a mission de luxe.

The game rangers from the morning game drive morphed into waiters for breakfast and into conference centre flunkies (for which they were horribly ill-equipped) during the day. They reincarnated as trackers and game-spotters in the evening again before multi-tasking yet again as barmen and table-clearers. I’d love to know what the Labour Department would have to say about their working hours. Because they were still on duty at 11 p.m. to drive the seriously sozzled back to their quarters.

The conference catering was plain bloody awful. The wooden deck patios outside the rooms weren’t swept in my two days there. There was a general air of chaos and things happening only when you squealed hard enough. A problem further exacerbated by the absence of that all important ringmaster – a banqueting or conferencing manager. Disastrous. I made a mental note to type ‘busy’ in my Outlook diary if any other client decided to use the benighted place.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. I was very recently at another (albeit closer) game lodge/farm. This was seriously watered down in that the so-called game-watching was reduced to one rampant male Giraffe trying to break into a neighbouring encampment inhabited by an eyelash-batting female, some scrawny looking buck and one furtive-looking jackal. Oh, did I mention a few Zebra? The food in this place was positively toxic. I came back with a dose of Delhi-belly that withstood the best onslaughts of Interflora capsules for over a week. To get to the clearly bug-laden food, you had to re-embark in your personal vehicles and drive a half kilometre or more from the conference centre to the main complex. The conference centre itself had no landline connection to the main complex, there was no mobile signal in the area and all photocopying or other such (always very slow) services were delivered only from the main complex.

This benighted establishment even offered time-share ‘from R 2 500’. That alone speaks volumes and if you’d seen (and heard) some of the Neanderthals who had availed themselves of said timeshare - well, ‘nuff said. The piece de resistance of the experience was a thundering, wall-shaking party in an adjacent chalet cluster that went on until after one thirty in the morning. This despite the vain attempts of the security guards to enforce an after-10 p.m. silence request. And for us, it was a working day comin’ up.

The ultimate blow for me was the poor insect-ridden bathroom facilities in the chalets and the seriously in need of renovation and swabbing down, conference centre toilets. Come to that I did see some people wandering off toward adjacent Maroela trees.

If it wasn’t going to embarrass my clients, I’d give you the names of both of these establishments. Want a word of advice in the absence of the names? Don’t book your people into one of these opportunistic game establishments-cum-wannabe-conference venues until you’ve personally stayed overnight on a recce. If they’re serious about getting your booking, they’ll let you do that at their expense with pleasure. If they won’t, don’t risk it and go somewhere that will let you test-drive the place. You have been warned!

Business Day's 'Weekender' marketing blooper

My newspaper fonts, layout and ‘feel’ are sacrosanct. Change ‘em at your peril. Most newspaper editors understand this and undertake tweaks only when there’s a real reason for a facelift. In the case of Business Day, it’s making a foray into what are surely the quite choppy waters of a Saturday/Weekend publication, entitled Weekender.

Got my first (freebie with Business Day) edition this morning. Do I like it? It would be both unkind and irresponsible to evaluate a new publication based on just one issue – and that’s where I think their launch marketing error lies. Apart from the few occasions (very few compared with the screwed up Star newspaper deliveries) when my Business Day copy doesn’t arrive early enough, I read it before I get out of bed. Then I feel I have a fix on what the business world is going to be doing that day. Svelte though Business Day might be, it’s a pithy, concise read and fits the profile for what I consider a good morning business newspaper. Even if the editor doesn’t answer my e-mails! ;-)

So – to the ‘marketing error’ as I perceive it to be. I would certainly not extend my existing Business Day subscription to include the Weekender based on one read. So why on earth didn’t the BD marketing powers that be, choose to give existing subscribers 4 issues in which to make up their minds? A once-off is a tad arrogant and self-important as a marketing ploy. In addition – I haven’t received subscriber-directed marketing designed to excite me about the new publication, or to create a receptive mindset or sufficiently to whet my appetite for what could become a ‘must read’.

Saturdays the Citizen is anorexic to the point of needing clinical help and intervention. The Saturday Star, once you’ve removed the kilograms of property supplements (I marvel at the resilience of the home delivery man’s throwing-arm!), is little more than a re-hash of the week’s news stories. And therein lies the rub, I fear, for a paper that is in perception terms a business journal. Trying to straddle the weekend dearth of business news and activity with a pot pourri of summaries and items of general interest is a challenge. The Sunday Times on rare occasions showcases something of genuine newsworthiness and the Sunday Independent (although largely a re-hash of other international journalism) usually holds my attention for longer than any of the others.

So, this morning I got my (one and only) freebie copy of Weekender. It was about a 6 minute read including the (Weekend Review) section. Why wasn’t the supplement named ‘Weekender Review’ I wonder? Overall though, nuthin’new. Nice clean layout, great fonts, easy on the eye, but odd shape. I opened the regular Business Day to see what ‘innovation’ this constituted. It’s the same ‘height’ as a standard broadsheet newspage but some 7.5 centimetres narrower. Please don’t tell me that an expensive whack of research threw up the notion that it would be easier to read in an aircraft or somesuch? Or is this an attempt to get away from the erroneous perception that tabloids are rags? Well, many of them are, but there are some jolly fine international examples in that format of superb journalism. Is this a cost effective shape? It certainly feels awkward. Maybe it’s just my inbuilt resistance to anything radically ‘innovative’ when it comes to reading shapes. Or am I sensing a ‘differentiation at all costs’ element here?

Also, why didn't they deliver it over the weekend? Reading it on a Monday morning in a pressured pre working day environment is very different from the more relaxed pace of the weekend. Another tactical marketing error I fear. Even if Monday-with-Business-Day was, short-term, more cost-effective.

My beef? I’m not being given an adequate opportunity to decide whether the Weekender becomes a de rigueur read. And I’m not going out on (however tiny) an admin and financial limb to make that decision. Nice look, nice feel, odd shape, promising – but for me, stillborn due to the marketing ‘sampling’ cock-up.

Secrets of excellent communication

These thoughts were the outcome of another interview with writer and entrepreneur Mandy de Waal at the end of 2005. I love what happens when Mandy asks me questions. She plays the role of a catalytic-Muse! I thought some of dem thoughts might be useful to one or two folk!

Q:         What are the secrets of being an excellent communicator?

A:         Being someone who is founded in integrity, truthfulness, sincerity and congruence.

Q:         How important is good communication as a leadership skill?

A:         It's number one on the list – but ignorant corporates still think hatchet men who cut, slash and burn the staff component are number one.

Q:         Is good communication and the art of excellent public speaking a talent or a learned skill?

A:         It's the Edison formula: 1% inspiration or talent and 99% hard work - with rare exceptions. Anyone who wants to, can, with effort become a darned good speaker.

Q:         How important is the content/message?

A:         Paradoxically, sometimes not as important as the process - the 'how' - of what you do. That's why misleading motivational speakers still manage to thrive. However, the process can only ever be the packaging for the content. So watch it!

Q:         How important is delivery/confidence/speaking well?

A:         This falls into the realm of linguistic intelligence. I've recently sat through listening to a woman with a great mind, great ideas and dreadful linguistic intelligence. The greatest idea is worth little if badly communicated. Confidence is a separate issue - it may be acted. It won't be sustainable that way of course, but it can fool some of the people some of the time. Confidence at its best is not situational. When you're confident, even outside of your comfort zone or field of expertise, that's probably real confidence. Confidence is also the visible expression of healthy self-worth.

Q:         How can you develop speaking confidence?

A:         By focusing on and further developing what you do well. Circumcising mosquitoes doesn't change anything. Identify your forte - and go with it. If you can't pinpoint it - go to someone who can.

Q:         What techniques can people use to make their speeches interesting?

A:         Bear in mind the 'U-shape' of concentration spans. You need to start well, finish well  and have anecdotes, analogies, what I call 'soufflé moments' (light touches and humour) in between to maintain the attention levels.

Q:         Does voice coaching help?

A:         There's an Eastern expression: 'You can teach a parrot to speak whatever language you will. But the day a cat catches it, it will revert to its original tongue.' Most 'voice coaching' is a money-making racket and is unsustainable. If there's a very specific defect, such as lack of projection, poor articulation, lack of resonance etc., these things can be modified with a degree of success. But it’s like antibiotics. You have to take ‘em regularly, over a period.  Voice work requires enormous commitment.

Q:         Does going to groups like ‘toastmasters’ help?

A:         Emphatically - but only to a point. Thereafter it becomes the blind leading the blind. Rules-based teaching is necessary at kindergarten level. Later you need a mentor who can unleash your uniqueness - if you have it - and that's an art, never a science.

Q:         Does mentoring or hiring in experts like speech consultants and speechwriters help?

A:         Mentoring's wonderful. There are plenty of people around who can assist in taking speeches and presentations to the next level. It's at the top level that a special and similarly gifted individual can and will make the difference. They're in short supply.

Q:         How do you beat stress and nerves before a big board meeting or delivering a key talk to analysts, investors or your staff?

A:         Nervousness' is a label. It's often driven by inappropriate and perfectionistic fear of failure. Having butterflies is not only normal but necessary. Without them, you'll slide into mediocrity. Acknowledge them, celebrate them, welcome them as your energy source and use them!

Q:         How can you make contact with your audience in a meaningful way?

A:         By being utterly you. Carl Jung spoke of 'authentic presence'. Meaning we're physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually 'there' - in the moment. Part of us is not trouble-shooting another issue in another neurological department. Carl Rogers spoke of 'Congruence' - in computing terms, WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get). Meaning that what's on the inside becomes visible (if appropriate to the circumstances) on the outside. There's nothing to beat authenticity when it comes to making a real connection with an audience.

Q:         How can you improve from talk to talk – how can you measure and improve on your performance?

A:         The best possible mechanism is to have a video camera locked off in medium shot or have someone unobtrusively tape you. Seeing and hearing yourself is the quickest and most efficient way of constantly improving your game.

Q:         How can you create a high impact opening and strong closing?

A:         By finding something - a situation, a story, an example - relevant to the audience, and preferably with a touch of humour or emotion. Don't do summaries at the end. Only poopy presentations require a 'What I was trying to tell you' type approach.

Q:         Are there any things you shouldn’t do when giving a talk?

A:         Don't assume a superior attitude or think that your audience knows less than you do. Be respectful in language (don’t cuss) dress, demeanour and content. Custom-craft the event for them – always doing the same tired old routine because ‘it works’ is simply unprofessional and a cop-out.

Q:         Anything else that is important?

A:         Move to the next level of communicating, which in intuition-based. There are few speakers and presenters in that locale. Prepare your mind and your being beforehand through prayer, meditation or a process in which you open yourself to the influence and inspiration of the Universe, God, the Wise Ones, the Ancestors or whomever you choose to have aid you. If it sounds daft, it isn't. Universal wisdom is happy to flow through us, if invited and respected. And if we promise not to take 'ownership' of any applause, approval or adulation following from it. We are the instrument, not the author.

Related Tags: communicating, presenting, authenticity, congruence, nervousness, anxiety, fear, intuition

Muslims and the media

It’s been clearly demonstrated that just one spark is sufficient to light the fuse, if the fuse has been primed and correctly prepared. The continuing global disturbances and chaos caused by protesters claiming Islamic affiliation is the most current example.

I doubt whether Danish Newspaper Jyllands-Posten could ever have anticipated the scale of the response the publishing of so-called caricatures of the Islamic Holy Prophet Muhammed would cause. I say so-called, because how do you caricature someone or something of which there’s no photographic or pictorial record?

Having pursued spirituality (as opposed to religiosity) my whole life, I have a profound respect and indeed affection for all paths. I believe the Universe, God, Allah, Brahman, Buddha, Jesus, Hashem, Krishna, Rama, the Tao, whatever you wish to call Him, Her, It, has offered a buffet-table of spiritually nourishing sustenance to human-kind. From which end of the table and what food you choose to eat is largely a matter of emotional, psychological and intellectual make-up and preference.

Over the centuries, factions within Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism and many other religions, cults or sects have wreaked their own kind of havoc in their quest either to proselytise or defend their particular faith. For me, the paradox is the very idea of us defending whatever our concept is of ‘God’. I thought the protection mechanism worked the other way around!

I wrote a good number of years ago, an article entitled ‘Islam is not the problem’. It attracted the attention and a complimentary written response from then Minister of Education, Professor Kader Asmal. I still don’t think Islam is the problem. As I don’t think Judaism is the problem (as one small example) when it comes to fanatical right-wing Jews cursing Ariel Sharon or throwing stones at non-observant Jews and non-Jews alike who desecrate what the fundamentalists regard as their inviolable Sabbath. Christians like the Rev. Pat Robertson and his ilk spew nationalistic venom from their pulpits also under the cloak of defending the faith and upholding the ‘dignity of God.’ Similarly, sectarian right-wing ‘Hindus’ wage war on their fellow-countrymen.

This is all of course, a dreadful fraud. Religion is being co-opted as a radicalised political tool to achieve agendas that have nothing whatsoever to do with spirituality. The behaviour of people of all faiths under these circumstances is utterly unacceptable in a civilised society. Hindus razing a mosque in India, supposed ‘Islamic’ terrorists slaughtering children in Beslan, Christians behaving like they have some sort of franchise on passports to ‘heaven’, or Jews abusing Palestinians – all not the work of spiritual individuals.

Logic, in my book, says, firstly ‘How can we caricature or cartoon say the prophets Isaiah, Moses, Krishna, Jesus or whatever concept of God when we have no idea what that prophet or ‘God’ looks like’? Secondly, is my belief system or faith (belief without evidence) so frail that I’m unable to tolerate any level of cynicism, ridicule or ‘attack’ on it? The constant threat of violence, retribution or execution threatened by the radical fringes of all religions when their path comes under perceived attack is something civilised society must not and cannot afford to accept.

The explicit message is that society must be subverted to the belief systems and will of the particular religion. That is illogical and insupportable unless that society has chosen to live under religious rule. The rules of a particular religion can and must apply to the voluntary adherents of that religion. Seeking to impose those rules on secular society, agnostics, atheists or people of other persuasions, is the antithesis of democracy and the right to free speech. There must not be two sets of rules. Religions must not be able, via their supporting media, to caricature or denigrate the leaders or figureheads of other ethnic or religious groups and take umbrage only when their chosen path comes under attack.

Do I think it was OK to create and publish the ‘cartoons’ of Islamic Holy Prophet Muhammed? No. That was plain insensitive, provocative and stupid. But the mature response would have been, punish the particular medium if you chose to go that route. Cancel subscriptions, yank advertising, start up a competitive newspaper, buy the offending newspaper and fire the buggers concerned.

I find it all too convenient that there were available internationally, for burning, immediate supplies of what must surely be the low purchase-frequency Danish national flag. This and the subsequent death and destruction is not defending the Holy Prophet of a major religion. This is sub-human, irrational, emotionally immature behaviour by a minority seeking to grind their own particular axe. With the fires set, stoked and fanned by pseudo-leaders with a power-mongering agenda.

To the majority adherents of the beautiful religion of Islam – take a stand against the radicalised minority hiding beneath the banner of your path. Don’t let them co-opt the name and identity for too long. They do your valuable ‘brand’ and the teachings of your Holy Prophet a great disservice.

Related Tags: Islam, Religion, jihad

Related Tags: Mohammed cartoon

Two pictures telling their story

The adage reads that a picture is worth a thousand words. We know with the benefit of modern psychology that this only really applies if the person viewing the picture is visually dominant. To an auditory person, who prefers words, sounds and cadences, the picture may not convey the right message. And for the highly kinaesthetic person – who’s into feelings and emotions, taste, touch, smell, temperature, texture and pressure, the picture may well (to use their language) leave ‘em cold. But I’ve run across two newspaper pictures today that speak their own strange language. The one is the shot of the owl-eyes painted on the much written-about Jan Smuts Avenue wall of the Johannesburg Zoo. In order to dolly up its ersatz-rock look, the powers that be have decided to paint in the alcoves of the wall, sets of eyes representing various animals on site. They kicked off with the owl eyes. Which, given some African cultural norms, might not have been an especially wise (no pun) decision. Many black South Africans in particular still associate the owl with death rather than wisdom or great usefulness as a rodent controller. It’s the same blups the Yellow Pages made years ago. We can forgive them of course, because they were owned by Telkom – which excuses everything and explains all. But, I digress. The Yellow Pages Directory had line-drawn owls on the cover and also on just about every page because some dumb-ass ad agency had decided that using the yellow pages was a ‘wise’ thing to do. It would have been interesting to note how few black people used the yellow pages as a consequence. So, my question: Was the idea of owl eyes on the Zoo wall something from a Caucasian-dominated ad or promotion agency, or just an innocent, bona fide screw-up?

The second picture is of Dubya’n Laura. At first glance I thought it was the British Princess Royal – old Annabelle – with George dear. The same bouffant hairdo you must agree. But on closer examination, it’s clearly Laura B on a bad hair day. The chin position consequences just scream for a neck-lift surgical intervention given her role in that physical perfection-obsessed nation. If you’ve glanced at the pic though, you know why I’m writing about it. What is it with the tongues? He’s always done it – even in between smirks. Now she’s doing it? We have viral marketing. Could this, one wonders, be viral mouthing? The caption hints that they’re about to board Airforce Once. Maybe the meteorological service was down and the pilot asked them to do a tongue-tip test for wind direction. Dunno.

Whatever, it certainly does little to enhance Dubya’s already precarious IQ image.

The President’s empty promises

It’s really ironic that South African President Thabo Mbeki positioned his latest State of the Nation address as the beginning of an era of hope. Pragmatically, rather than cynically, hope is about all the majority of the poor in South Africa have to cling to. One of my black staff built a tiny home in rural Pomeroy – an out of the way little area close to the battle site of Rorke’s Drift in Kwazulu Natal. I drove him and his family down there for their Christmas holidays. Twelve years into the new democratic dispensation, in which the ANC elected promised potable water, some form of sewerage and certainly electricity to the poor of South Africa, they have none of the three. Let alone jobs or economic emancipation.

They don’t even have decent primary healthcare in the area. A case in point being a 28 year-old AIDS activist who recently died because he couldn’t afford the 60km taxi journey to the nearest antiretroviral distribution point. Not that President Mbeki believes HIV causes AIDS of course, because he doesn’t. I created irritation years ago by writing an article entitled, ‘Make President Mbeki HIV positive.’ My suggestion was that if he doesn’t believe HIV is the causative agent in AIDS, then let him volunteer publicly to be infected with contaminated blood and we’ll all watch his progress,

The President’s batty, Internet-derived dissident thesis that poverty is the chief catalyst in AIDS, flies in the face of the open secret that his own personal spokesperson Parks Mankahlana and one of his close firebrand associates, Peter Mokaba, died from AIDS. Yet both stuck to the presidential line that antiretrovirals are poisons which kill.

The other shocker of course, was Mbeki being interviewed some time back and saying that he didn’t know of anyone who’d died of AIDS. I’d invite him to go look at the Vosloorus cemetery on the East Rand of Johannesburg and note the endless mounds of freshly-closed graves. If the people are not dying of AIDS, then what is the epidemic that’s killing millions of young South Africans? The number of funerals in that Vosloorus cemetery alone, at weekends, is so overloading infrastructure that literally in the middle of the funeral ceremony (I kid you not – I experienced it first hand) a loudly beeping front-end loader forces mourners aside and simply dumps the mound of soil next to the open grave onto the coffin. It then moves on to the next of at least a half dozen other funerals to do the same thing. Funeral corteges are warned at the gate that they have x number of minutes for their funeral so that the line of hearses and mourners outside the cemetery can ‘have their turn’.

I recently had to present a ‘Scenario South Africa’ overview to a group of French journalists. It was a thoroughly depressing exercise as I gathered information and worked through each social silo of education, health, electricity, water, sanitation, transport, law-enforcement (a sad oxymoron), communications, unemployment, corruption, politics and finally economics. On almost all fronts, the failure on the service-delivery front is bordering on the catastrophic. Infrastructure across the board (to whit, urban power and water cuts, utterly screwed-up billing systems and roads) is slowly but inexorably crumbling. The only thing functioning well if not downright brilliantly, despite all other factors, is the economy. It drags the rest of South Africa, kicking and screaming, to God knows where. For the poor and disadvantaged in the upcoming March 1^st 2006 local elections, they’d better cling to the president’s vision of hope. That’s all they’ve ever had and all they’ll continue to have and hold on to, if they continue to vote ANC and therefore service non-delivery, in the upcoming elections.