Clive Simpkins

Richard Mulvey having mid-life crisis

How do I know Richard Mulvey is having a mid-life crisis? Simple: He wants to climb Kilimanjaro next year. Sigh. But with a noble intention. He wants to raise R 100,000 at least, for the Reach For A Dream Foundation.

When you look like a refugee from the Disney Production of Snow White and you have legs that really shouldn't be seen in shorts (they might scare the horses!), you should probably stick to something like Badminton. But he wants to climb Kili.

OK....I think I understand what's going on. He's doing the climb with his wife, Sheila. My Conspiracy Theory Gene tells me Sheila probably wants to tip him off the summit and cash in his life assurance policies. Smart lass.

Just before she does the noble deed, please take a few moments to read the three panels of brochure, painstakingly put together by Mulvey & Mulvey (sounds like a law firm, wot?)

I've pledged R 1 000 and the more people that pledge whatever they can, or are comfortable with, the more the very deserving kids who are assisted by Reach For A Dream are going to benefit. Maybe forward the URL for this posting or a copy of it to all the people you know? That's an awesome viral marketing opportunity.

You don't have to cough up the Shekels this year. Richard's going to take a loooong time to get into some sort of shape. Trust me. And by the time they get him to the summit, on his gurney-mit-oxygen tank, you'll probably have your budget together. OK, I exaggerate. He climbs in January 2008. But you still only get to physically pay when they locate his body! ;-)

This whole concept appeals enormously to me. I get to sit and listen to Mulvey's out-of-breath, altitude-sickness-slurred words on radio from the comfort of my airconditioned car, while he sweats bullets on our behalf to raise funds for ill kids. Now that's a fair trade I'd say. Wanna play the game with him? Make the pledge now and end your 2007 with a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart. Just like it was snuggled into his equally fuzzy little beard. Eish! Whatta thought.

The actual pledge form is in the 'Continue reading....' section of this posting, as are updates from time to time. Do it now! And thank you.

Street re-naming by stealth?

NEW UPDATE Jan 2008 - click on 'continue reading' at end of post

Ok. OK. Headline not intended literally, but it is leading to some short-term confusion. I was returning from a late-night function a few weeks back and did a total double-take as I passed the ‘Malibongwe’ (erstwhile Hans Strijdom, who hasn't cracked a slot on Wikipedia) offramp from the N1.

For one fleeting moment I felt like I’d been beamed up, lost consciousness of time and been dropped by Scotty again, somewhere in Limpopo or North West.

Fortunately, the next offramp reassured me that my homing pigeon instinct was indeed still well.

The pic is from the Jo’burg Metro website (see URL lower down). Thanks folks. Saved me dodging the traffic to get a better shot.

Just two days ago a friend and I were discussing how on earth Hendrik Verwoerd Drive had managed so far to escaped the attentions of the relevant street-name ‘switchers’. Just today, word from my IT guru to say that he'd crossed Braam Fischer Drive. So, adios Oom Hendrik and here's watchin' what happens to you in the Centurion CBD. Maybe the street-name revolutionaries haven't yet found Verwoerdburgstad on their GPSs?

I Googled 'Braam Fischer Drive' to see just what sort of publicity the name changes are getting. I read assiduously and yet hadn’t picked up on either Malibongwe or Braam Fischer waiting in the wings. I notice with much interest that Google only picks up two references on the top of the frame regarding the re-naming. Most other entries are businesses (PRISA et al) getting out notifications about their impending ‘change of address’. All of which in stationery and other signage terms, must cost a whack.

I’m not in disagreement with street-naming (it happens the world over), but I get the feeling that it’s happening rather more by stealth, than via explicit mainstream media exposure. If you read the Jo’burg Muni’s explanation of the process, it’s quite interesting that it does appear to be a low-profile modus operandi. Go see
http://www.joburg.org.za/2007/jun/jun15_streets.stm

Could this all be to avoid a repeat of Nelson Mandela Rylaan in Potch (or is it Plokwe yet?) being naughtily altered by some artful dodger to read ‘dela rylaan’? At least those who are anti the changes have retained a smidgen of humour in their resistance. So all is not lost.

See you en passant then, on the Ben Schoeman (or, whatever it will become) in due course.

Clive Simpkins

Astonishingly interesting read

If you're even peripherally interested in politics and British politics in particular, here's a must-read. Like many books of the genre it's a tome of note - some 800 pages. I find these a pain in the wrist to read in bed. They literally weigh in at over a kilogram. Nuts. Why not produce them as two volumes, I wonder?

I got to finish reading The Alastair Campbell Diaries - 'The Blair Years' - last week. He was Tony Blair's poster-child Spin Doctor. From when the British Labour Party was in opposition, to being the governing body and all the way through to the end of the second term. It's fascinating to have the inside track on what was going on backstage with mega-events occurring onstage.

Campbell is an emotionally volatile, deeply neurotic, egotistic, vindictive and vengeful man. He clearly couldn't stand Cherie Blair. He had a love-hate relationship with the notoriously self-centred and Primma Donna-ish Peter Mandelson. He joked when referring to the potential of the British Cabinet being blotted out in an aircrash, that a colleague wouldn't know which queen to tell first. i.e. Her Majesty Lillibet or Peter Mandelson! Ascerbic.

Throughout the book Campbell refers to people by their initials. Clearly the TB for Tony himself or GB for Gordon Brown or RC for Robin Cook are fine, but with my terrible memory for initials/names or acronyms I had (in the initial stages) to keep referring back to the index to keep me on track. That bugbear notwithstanding, I found it a riveting read.

Tony Blair himself emerges from the Iraq debacle with a little more honour than I would have suspected. He took astonishing personal reputational risks - being dubbed Bush's Poodle and the like. But, based even on Campbell's unfavourable view of the invasion, Blair had a real belief that he was doing something both honourable and necessary.

The relationship between TB and Bill Clinton (BC!) is a revelation. I've always admired Clinton (Lewinsky issue notwithstanding). What a mind, what a strategist, what a communicator, what a personality. You'll like him.

Campbell has a mouth on him like a sailor. He doesn't mince words or opinions on people or indeed heads of state (Chirac emerges particularly poorly, Yeltsin, permanently tanked on Vodka, hilariously) that he doesn't like. Gordon Brown's character evolves slowly and dourly throughout the book and the power interplay and competitiveness between him and Blair are intriguing. The egos involved at multiple levels in government, civil service and elsewhere, are breathtaking.

Possibly, what fascinated me most, was the extraordinary difficulty of keeping anything confidential under wraps. There seemed always to be some twit of a Cabinet member willing to sell the party down the river, for a few moments of media fame or insular career-building. Clare Short was the worst of the lot - suffering from terminal foot-in-mouth disease. For some incomprehensible reason, Blair wouldn't, or couldn't (did she have something on him?) get rid of the silly cow.

Finally and perhaps most pertinently, the book demonstrates the incredible difficulty, in the media Pirhana-tank and slugfest of our wireless global village, of managing the delicate balance between delivery of services and mandate and managing perceptions. It should be compulsory reading for all modern leaders and management and certainly anyone interested in PR or reputation management.

I'm co-reading the George Bizos autobiography (taking time to 'get' his style) and Mark Gevisser's new biography on Thabo Mbeki (verbal silk - Gevisser is a gifted writer). I'll report on both in due course.

'People's Theatre' or child-unfriendly, abusive environment?

Update. People's Theatre directors have responded. See in the posting extension below... (i.e. click on the 'Continue Reading...' link).

Civic Theatre management have also responded.

Dear friends of mine have just had a ghastly experience with the People's Theatre in Johannesburg .

They thought it was a great opportunity for their exceptionally bright, highly-disciplined little karate-ace son to participate in the production of ‘Jungle Book’.

It would mean him missing out on a karate-grading for the year and having to make special arrangements for his school exams, but I was among the people who said, “Go for it – it’s a great experience and something different.” He did. The dream has come crashing down in tears. Not because he didn’t know his lines, or didn’t apply himself, or lacked dedication. But rather, by all accounts, because the directors and cast members treat both children and parents with rudeness and abruptness. The supposedly ‘professional’ young adults who form part of the cast have clearly become legends in their own lunch-time, exhibit little or no emotional intelligence, and have mouths worthy of being rinsed with detergent. I urged the little man and his family to walk away from the production.

As a former drama student myself, I recall numerous productions in which we were involved – and they’re all fond and fun memories. No filthy language, denigration, humiliation or self-serving behaviour involved. By either local or overseas cast members.

Is this a story about one of those pain-in-the-butt, overly-protective mothers of a precocious brat, who feels she or he’s been short-changed? No. She’s a dedicated, hard-working school governing body mover and shaker. She works to and upholds the highest standards and she has a razor-sharp sense of decency and fair play. I’ve given the detail so you can see the commitment the family made to this production.

Finally, before you read her tale.... as a taxpayer, I have reason to believe it’s our money funding these productions and also the director’s salaries. So read this mother’s first-hand account below and see if you believe it merits intervention. I’m getting in touch with the directors, and also the visionary and superb Civic Theatre complex CEO, Bernard Jay, for his comment. I may also drop a note to Minister of Arts and Culture, Dr. Pallo Jordan for interest. Let’s see what they have to say - I'll post their responses. It sounds to me as though a far tighter rein of control needs to be exercised on productions where pre-teens are involved. So read her story….

LG South Africa's utterly crap service

I have a new view of LG - I can't/won't buy their appliances again.

Long story, reduced to essentials: 1st LG microwave gave consistent drama and they replaced magnetron after magnetron without working out that there was in fact a voltage problem on my property and therefore the benighted thing couldn't and wouldn't work properly.

Changed homes and microwaves. Globe goes. Driver delivers to LG. Get a call to say Magnetron gone. Garbage. The machine was working perfectly. Get quote for repair (see below). I have never seen so many mistakes on one piece of paper in a long time. The reason for noticing that the phone number on the quote form doesn't exist, is because I had to call it since the fax is permanently engaged when you try to send the signed quote back.

You can't get sense out of the call centre. The recording, when you've been on hold long enough, announces that LG is introducing a new range of appliances in - wait for it - 2003. I believe their MD is a Mr. Tae. I've spoken previously to his PA, Hanneli Steenkamp, several times, in a desperate bid to get halfway decent service out of them regarding an airconditioner.

Today, with this microwave issue, I talked to the Service Manager Robin Dean (spelling?) and his PA, Sumaya about the microwave. In desperation I've just finally got the quote through, because I can't find the Makro invoice from 2 years ago, and they ain't budging even though the machine serial number can prove its recency. The comment from Sumaya (I think in a sincere attempt to explain) was 'It might have been a demo model.'  True, but it wasn't, OK?

The LG customer dis-service call centre strikes me as being like a headless chicken. Every service encounter turns into a Cecil B. de Mille production. I guess, in the interests of one's mental health and productivity, the simple solution is, don't buy an LG product again. I've had to make that decision with several products, like HP notebook computers (I had to contact then-CEO Carly Fiorina in the USA to resolve the problem!) and Canon products over the years. One of their fax machines drove me demented about 10 years ago - and I've never bought Canon-anything since. Just not worth the don't give a damn drama from these various companies. Sad.

Update: I've just had a call from Robin Dean to say they're waiving the repair charge as an apology for the shocking documentation. Nice of him. But it doesn't change my jaundiced impression of LG. Enough is enough. Once maybe, twice, but three times in a row? Nyet.
Clive Simpkins

Sports illogic - yet again

OK - if the research stats are valid - that 63 percent of black South Africans support quotas in sport, it explains a lot. Ergo: That 63% of black South Africans are incapable of logical thought. That doesn't bode well for the future. Sigh.

Mercifully, it's also simply not possible. It means those advocating quotas have not been exposed to, or considered, the concept of 'genetic-aptitude'. Which, simplistically, means that certain body shapes, configurations, VO2 Max oxygen consumption abilities and the like, all play a part in certain individuals or ethnic groups being better at some physical things than others. This is the thesis underpinning the Andrew Kenny and Stephen Mulholland opinions in the preceding post. And to even the most superficial thinker, they make sense. So let's stop this nonsensical debate and get on with the job at hand - which is winning sporting events.

The sport equity debate

See comments below and in the Blog extension