Conversation
is the life-blood of social interaction. Like me, you may not class social
events as your favourite activity. You may, like me, even be averse to them.
You may, also like me, actively avoid them. Frankly, I regard a cocktail party
or similar function as a preview of purgatory. But if I have to attend such an
event, I make a success of it. How?
No rules,
but plenty of guidelines for surviving or thriving in a social setting:
- Adage says: Shyness is ‘I’-ness. If you think everyone’s going to be focused on you and how you engage, you’re wrong.
- They’re typically quite focused on themselves!
- You can’t converse or communicate well if you’re excessively worried about what people will think of you or your ideas.
- People are not psychic or telepathic, so the greatest response or riposte inside your head means nothing, unless you open your mouth and vocalise it! So speak up. The more frequently you do, the easier it becomes.
- The greatest aid to developing a really interesting conversational ‘menu’ is to read. The more widely and eclectically you read the greater will be the range of topics on which you’ll be informed.
- Good journalism has the essence of the story in the first paragraph. So learn to skim-read newspapers, magazines and online publications. You don’t need all the details, but you’ll at least have a grasp of the issue and its topicality.
- Give up on the idea that you need to be or are expected to be informed on every topic imaginable. I know nothing about sport for example. But I can keep sport fanatics engaged for hours, by asking them questions. They love nothing better than an opportunity to re-populate the national rugby, soccer or cricket teams.
- Having said that, I hate the idea that you go to a social function prepared to ask stupid things like, ‘How do you know the host?’ Or ‘What’s your favourite food?’ That tells me you’ve been on a ‘Conversational skills 101’ course.
- If you do want to (sincerely) ask questions, then make sure they’re ‘open-ended’. Example of a close-ended question (the wrong kind): ‘Do you like chocolate?’ I’ll typically get a one word answer. But if I ask, ‘What are your views on chocolate?’ (open-ended) I’ll get at least a phrase in response. So use Why? When? Where? How? Avoid like the plague ‘Do you?’ or ‘Have you?’ The answers are inevitably just ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
- I once attended a stamp exhibition in the Benoni Town Hall – not by choice I hasten to add. I was cornered by an 80-something year-old man. He’d spent his life collecting stamps with dogs on them. I’ve yet to see a stamp (do people still use them anyhow?) with a dog on it. I walked away from the discussion newly informed. I now know how to pronounce philatelic (as in exhibition) and philately (the art of stamp collecting) and knowing that I was talking to a philatelist. So don’t waste an opportunity. If you have to be there, then make the most of it.
- Go subscribe to ‘The Week’ It’s a superb distillation of the best of journalism in the UK and elsewhere. It'll put your finger on the pulse of global events and issues that you'll reasonably be expected to know something about.
- A tense and anxious brain doesn’t work well. It causes your body to produce cortisol, which negatively affects short-term memory. Be prepared to be adventurous. Have fun. Treat the conversation as something of an adventure. Then your brain is optimally relaxed and will function at its best.
- Finally, listen. Really listen. To what people are talking about in the room or at the event. Just by
adding a conversational nudge like, ‘That’s a really interesting thought. What would you do to rectify the situation?’ can keep someone chatting away. Listen to how people you regard as good conversationalists keep the ball rolling - and learn from them.
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being a good conversationalist must be agood lover to thy environment
Posted by: cliford | Thursday, 17 July 2008 at 03:51
I like the idea of skimming through publications. I also go through book "contents page" word by word and then skim through the chapters. Also subscribing to feeds of diverse bloggers also help a lot. Thanks for the tips. I was referred here from missinglink.co.za
Mike
Posted by: Make Money Online in Kenya | Saturday, 18 July 2009 at 09:21