Clive Simpkins

Rogue South African cops - how do we fix it?

Couple of suggestions: (I may add to this from time to time as new ideas strike me)

1)      Start force-wide psychometric testing to identify potential loose cannons.

2)      Make an extreme example of cops who engage in gratuitous brutality.

3)      Make the price for being a rogue cop so high that nobody voluntarily tries it.

4)      Start stress-relief support groups. And a buddy system for emotional venting.

5)      Bring back up to date public-order policing training. It was evidently scrapped in ’94.

6)      Put video cameras on the dashboards of all police vehicles.

7)      Insist that cops pull up behind suspects as they do in the USA – so all is recorded.

8)      Bring in skilled (or retired) members of the community who can play a role.

9)      Make sure the cops understand that their role is indeed to serve and protect.

10)   Make sure cops have a basic understanding of South African constitutional rights.

11)   Use mandatory polygraph (lie detector) testing for cops found in behaviour breach.

12)   Go for total transparency on corruption or brutality. No cover-ups.

13)   Keep the lines of communication open and buzzing. We want to hear good news, too.

14)   Put station commanders onto an incentive bonus. Cut it when their staff go rogue.

15)   Create community forums where members of public and cops can discuss fears.

16)  Introduce a "silent shopper" concept for members of public to test and report on cops.

17)  Reintroduce higher cop personal discipline. Obesity & sloppiness out. Professionalism in.

18)  Get schools to "adopt" a police-station so the divide between community & cops is reduced.

 

http://clivesimpkins.brandyourself.com/

 

Tiger's apology doesn't jive

I've followed the Tiger Woods PR screw-up assiduously. Tiger would be well advised to consider other reputation managers in anticipation of his (I believe) undoubted future escapades. It's dismissive of legitimate public interest and also brand-damaging to wait more than three months after a misdemeanour to issue an appallingly over-orchestrated 'apology' in person. 

The cardinal principles are, up front: 1. Concede the cock-up (if you'll excuse the unintentional pun), 2. Sincerely apologise and tell 'em what you're doing to remedy the situation right now. 3. Then tell 'em what you're doing to prevent a recurrence in the future.

The days of Tiger being able to hide behind 'but he's just a golfing machine' are gone. The new incarnation will have to be someone who engages a tad better with autograph-seekers and the public. Who exhibits better social and emotional intelligence. Who understands that he chooses a lifestyle in the public eye. 

So don't be surprised when they get proprietary about your behaviour, Tiger.

What Tiger has inherited from Mom is some Asian inscrutability. So you're never quite sure what's going on behind the impassive facade. But sure as heck, the quarter hour mea culpa on international TV failed to convince me. The script was genius and worthy of an Oscar. But the delivery - clearly rehearsed again and again, was ersatz and non-authentic. The excessive lingering hold of the camera on 'I am so sorry' so many times, simply didn't wash. The simulated outrage at the invasion of his family's 'privacy' was read without the vocal modulation that would indicate genuine concern. His claim that sordid details are between himself and wife Elin alone is essentially telling everyone else to take a hike. Perhaps next time he'll anticipate that families get invaded and exposed when the hero stumbles or tumbles. It's a predictable knock-on effect.

A sincere apology should have been forthcoming three months earlier, in an open media conference. Take the questions on the chin. That demonstrates your bona fides. The control-freak manipulation of this event clearly shows the middle finger to interested parties. It's effectively saying: I'll go through the motions of an apology on my terms, in my own way and in circumstances dictated by me. Which means: I'm not really sorry. It would just be nice to get back the juggernaut financial benefits of Accenture and other sponsors and move on from this irritating blip on my career radar.  

As I sat in the South African eTV studios to do an immediate postmortem of the 'apology' I was left with a sense that Cecil B De Mille or Franco Zeffirelli would have given this a ten for staging and drama. I have no doubt that the TV profile shot from three quarters of the way through was because Tiger's handlers realised he couldn't hold that beaten-dog look for too long. The schmaltzy ending of hugs - and heaven help us, the loud sniff from Tiger as he attempted a disconsolate and lonely exit from the rigorously protected farce - was a travesty.

Will the Tiger Woods brand survive this? Yes. It's a resilient brand. And the mal-management of the whole debacle may just inadvertently have given him the vulnerability he needed for the public to start forgiving him.

What this teaches us is that you don't really have to be sorry any longer. You just have to go through the motions of appearing to be so. Tony Blair's probably going to ask for shares in Tiger's spin machine. A saddening social evolution. There's a Hollywood career here if golf fails.

Susan Boyle was badly advised

Scots singing sensation Susan Boyle was poorly served by whoever was advising participants in the Britain's Got Talent blockbuster TV show. It's PR 101 that if you sing the same song in the final that you sang to get into the competition in the first place, you'll look like a one-act comic. So was she set up? Or just personally naive?

It hardly matters I guess, since with the dollar-eyed Simon Cowell in the equation, she's sure to be pushed, or more accurately, given recent events, cossetted into stardom. She's the stuff of which reality TV is made. It'll be fascinating to see who undertakes the not inconsiderable task of morphing the cygnet into a swan - if that's their strategy. Or will she be consigned to recording studios instead of the live concert stage? It remains to be seen.

Piers Morgan, Cowell's co-judge, was making like Sigmund Freud regarding the mental health of Susan Boyle. A gibbering Irish shrink - former British 'Big Brother' TV program psychologist, Dr. David Wilson - also tried to add his tuppence worth. He looked (and sounded) so agitated, flustered and incoherent that one wondered whether he shouldn't have been checking into the rehab clinic for rest therapy instead of Ms. Boyle. ;-) Talk about the Roman arena phenomenon with the voyeuristic philistines 'tossing their sweaty nightcaps into the air' as the Bard might have said. Eish!

Piecemeal PR ineptitude

If you want to confuse people, then keep changing your position on an issue. Do it often enough and they’ll simply begin to ignore anything you say. Two organisations in South Africa have successfully gotten themselves into this invidious position in the last few months.

The ‘Biggest Loser’ on this score is power utility Parastatal, Eskom. Faced with the worst crisis in living memory, it employed a PR company to handle consumer perceptions and then promptly shackled them. See update 2nd May below...

The Afrikaner adage of ‘You don’t buy a dog and then sit on the stoep and bark yourself’ applies. In industry, particularly high-tech industry, you don’t necessarily want to put your engineers on show. Rarely are they blessed with adequate communication skills. When they are, they’re often cursed with a linearity and obsession with detail that can obfuscate the simplest issue.

They’re also typically poorly versed in the art of presenting an issue to best advantage. As an example, Eskom’s Dr. Steve Lennon (pictured), the poster-child for media ineptitude, displayed embarrassing naiveté when arguing that Eskom had very adequate coal reserves at power stations, whilst helicopter shots of empty coal storage yards featured with his voice-over on the TV screen. Ouch.

I’ve previously written about Nationwide Airlines’ ‘ground-hog’ policy of hiding away when anything went wrong - the worst possible thing for an airline, of all industry sectors. Forget your engine falling off in the sky. Forget your fleet being grounded. If you don’t have candid, credible, consistent and constant contact with your stakeholders in the face of such travails, you deserve to go bust. How do people retain confidence in you when you don’t tell them anything?

Jacob Zuma is also on the razor’s edge of becoming as vilified as our damp-squib president ‘no crisis’ Mbeki. You can’t do 180° flip-flops on issues in vain, if well-intended, attempts to please everyone, and expect to retain any vestige of credibility.

The quicker Zuma follows the lead of the pragmatic Gwede Mantashe (pictured), deputy president of the ANC, the better. This is the man who is comfortable in his Freedom Day speech, criticising power failures and baby deaths caused by contaminated tap water and (yet again) klebsiella bacteria. Let’s see (and I pray not) if this gets the ‘quoted out of context treatment’ or whether he flies in the face of party opinion and sticks to his guns.

The majority of the current crop of political 'non-leaders' in South Africa today have reached their sell-by date. What’s now needed is for more people like Mantashe to stand up and be counted. Let’s know that when he says something, he means what he says and there is meaning in what he says. What a sea-change in government communications that will be!

Even the redoubtable, well-oiled and slick PR machine at Vodacom came a cropper with its 'BMW a day' promotion and BEE partner issues recently. Complacency and big-company clout are not a compensation for good communication and conceding when you've made a cock-up.

For all organisations and institutions today – the era of having your PR people put out a fuzzy little press release to contain fall-out from your latest bit of poop on the doorstep, simply won’t cut it. Get with the plan and ratchet up the most vital component of your business – your communications apparatus.

UPDATE: 2ND May. So Eskom has decided no longer to 'punish' us like recalcitrant schoolchildren, despite some in our midst having made no effort to save 10% on power usage. Albeit that it's common cause that industry is responsible for the real power consumption.

Now the asses at Eskom would have us believe that because industry's got its act together they don't have to engage any longer in cutting our power. It's no longer part of their strategy. Do they even know the meaning of that word, one wonders?

They clearly believe we have a collective IQ of room-temperature or lower. The real reason - and it's an open secret among the electrical cognoscenti - is that the bloody substations and switching gear can't handle the power on-off-on-off, that comes with deliberate blackouts. The switches burn, things explode. Just ask the poor souls in Kempton Park and elsewhere. A week or more without any power in the middle of a freeze...

Just watch the space between the collective Eskom ears for their next blinding solution to the big switch-on of heaters in Winter....

In any halfway-developed economy, the head of some dumb sod at Eskom would roll. Instead of course, they tried to vote themselves bonuses. They deserve bonuses only for being the most grossly incompetent, breath-taking, Guinness-Book liars that any country could have inflicted on it. We now wait with bated breath for their next disingenuous 'PR communication'.

Click on 'Continue Reading....' below for a Saturday Star article added 3rd May '08. Click on the article to enlarge.

 

Sonjica simpers her way up the ANC's bum

Media24 excerpt alongside:

Uh-oh! Stand by for the next baby boom darlings! The sycophantic minister of minerals and energy, Sonjica Buyelwa has recommended more time in bed to save energy - well, of the electrical sort, anyhow.

Our government ministers have never, under any dispensation, been noted for their intellectual prowess, but this kind of twaddle is plumbing an all-time low.

And the virus of denial about the real causes of our energy crisis, is spreading like wildfire. Read her disingenuous explanation below (it attracted jeers in Parliament) and please note that South Africa is being compared by her to emerging economic powerhouses India and China. Maybe she should follow Thabo's example and browse the Internet more frequently. She might discover some views significantly out of synch with her own parochial perspectives.

B.T.W. She thanked the ANC (to more jeers) for their 'leadership' on the energy crisis. Well, guess that boosts her career prospects a tad.
                                                                           
 

Update 10th February 2008

You know by now of course, that this ridiculous woman tried lying her way out of ever having advised us to go to sleep early. She blamed Tony Leon of the DA and claimed she was talking only to him as a joke. Regretfully she's dumb enough to forget that Hansard in Parliament records every jot and tittle. So she's been outed by that venerable organ of state. Ain't they just all too disgusting for words? It's like that jackass Nadweni Mahlangu from Mpumalanga, years ago, saying that 'It's OK for politicians to lie.' He then claimed he 'was quoted out of context' (as they all do). But I saw him  make the statement on live TV. They're all peas in one rotten pod. Yuck.

Nationwide Airlines PR debacle continues

[Update 1st February 2008 - click on 'Continue Reading...' for the CA SAA CEO/Commissioner, Colin Jordaan's response.]

Nationwide Airline's reputation is severely dented. Remember the engine that fell off one of their aircraft recently? And their grounding over the holiday season by the CAA? Their comms on the topic were pretty abysmal. Hints of denial rather than coming clean on the sullied paper trail of spare parts. They probably hoped it would just 'go away'. But it hasn't.

I've just found the chance to upload this article (below) from the Financial Mail's 'FM Fox' section, issue of 18th January. It's worth reading if you're interested in your airline safety. The part marked in yellow is particularly scary. And look who's allegedly making the statement. What I find particularly puzzling is that the statements attributed to CAA CEO and Commissioner of Civil Aviation, Colin Jordaan, are a direct contradiction of his comments in the Mail & Guardian article online yesterday, 21st January. Did the FM screw it up? If Nationwide Airline's PR person is awake and reading, she/he better do something about sorting this glitch, pronto!

Absent Alec [Erwin's] PR blunder

Hmm. I guess when Alec Erwin wasn't voted back on to the ANC National Executive Committee [NEC] it must've been a bit of a 'bolt' [geddit?] from the blue. So you don't worry too hard about your job any longer because it's on the endangered species list anyhow.

Regardless, the cardinal principle in PR [go read my article] is, 'Be there!' Vladimir Putin at the time of the Kursk submarine sinking in the Barents Sea, Khaya Ngqula, CEO of South African Airways on holiday near Kruger Park while his empire was metaphorically burning, are a few of many reminders.

All in contrast to Governor of Pennsylvania, Mark Schweiker, who literally camped at the pithead when miners were trapped underground in the Quecreek mine disaster. [see excerpt on 'read more'] Bet if Alec had still been on the ANC NEC he'd sure as hell have been back for this weekend's legotla in Midrand. Doesn't take much to turn a Cabinet Minister NAFI, does it?                                             
Rhone Poulenc-Rorer took strain in the 1990s when a Midrand veterinary chemical storage facility of theirs went up in flames. Media spokespeople seemed to be thin on the ground, so we were treated instead to an interview with the gate security guard!

When something's going wrong in or with your organisation and you're the designated media spokesperson, it doesn't matter what else is on your plate - serious or fun. In today's voracious media climate, if you're not there, and communicating, you risk alienating your constituents and pleasing your competitors. Beware.

Missing Link climbs the mountain with Richard Mulvey

Corporate Social Investment (CSI) is a have-to-have for many businesses. In a select few - like The Missing Link with leader Rich Mulholland (pictured in a rare, penitent moment), it's spontaneous, creative and uses the talents of their great team. Rich Mulholland positively leapt into action and produced as a gift, a great video, when he heard that Richard Mulvey, his good wife Sheila and their buddy Jan, would be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in January 2008 to raise plenty loot for the Reach For A Dream Foundation.

The power of synergy in business is truly awesome when it comes from the heart and seeks no return. If you can spread the good word about the Kili climb, you'll be doing something special for little people, existing, rather than living, through a particularly tough time.

To Missing Link, Rich Mulholland, Richard and Sheila Mulvey and Jan van der Horst - may the force be with you. God bless and God speed! Plenty of success and happiness in 2008 for all of you. You deserve it.

LG South Africa's utterly crap service

I have a new view of LG - I can't/won't buy their appliances again.

Long story, reduced to essentials: 1st LG microwave gave consistent drama and they replaced magnetron after magnetron without working out that there was in fact a voltage problem on my property and therefore the benighted thing couldn't and wouldn't work properly.

Changed homes and microwaves. Globe goes. Driver delivers to LG. Get a call to say Magnetron gone. Garbage. The machine was working perfectly. Get quote for repair (see below). I have never seen so many mistakes on one piece of paper in a long time. The reason for noticing that the phone number on the quote form doesn't exist, is because I had to call it since the fax is permanently engaged when you try to send the signed quote back.

You can't get sense out of the call centre. The recording, when you've been on hold long enough, announces that LG is introducing a new range of appliances in - wait for it - 2003. I believe their MD is a Mr. Tae. I've spoken previously to his PA, Hanneli Steenkamp, several times, in a desperate bid to get halfway decent service out of them regarding an airconditioner.

Today, with this microwave issue, I talked to the Service Manager Robin Dean (spelling?) and his PA, Sumaya about the microwave. In desperation I've just finally got the quote through, because I can't find the Makro invoice from 2 years ago, and they ain't budging even though the machine serial number can prove its recency. The comment from Sumaya (I think in a sincere attempt to explain) was 'It might have been a demo model.'  True, but it wasn't, OK?

The LG customer dis-service call centre strikes me as being like a headless chicken. Every service encounter turns into a Cecil B. de Mille production. I guess, in the interests of one's mental health and productivity, the simple solution is, don't buy an LG product again. I've had to make that decision with several products, like HP notebook computers (I had to contact then-CEO Carly Fiorina in the USA to resolve the problem!) and Canon products over the years. One of their fax machines drove me demented about 10 years ago - and I've never bought Canon-anything since. Just not worth the don't give a damn drama from these various companies. Sad.

Update: I've just had a call from Robin Dean to say they're waiving the repair charge as an apology for the shocking documentation. Nice of him. But it doesn't change my jaundiced impression of LG. Enough is enough. Once maybe, twice, but three times in a row? Nyet.
Clive Simpkins

Archbishop Pius Ncube's impious behaviour

There’s an adage that says ‘the gateway to heaven is guarded by a beautiful woman’.

Zimbabwe’s (now former) Archbishop Pius Ncube [pictured] has just discovered that; experientially and in a painful and sad manner. He’s allegedly been caught, on hidden-camera, in flagrante delicto, in a hotel room, with a married woman – evidently his PA of two years. Her vengeful spouse has brought a court-action against the cleric, for his (yes, I have to say it) impious behaviour. The Zim state media are making a meal of it. The tragedy of allegedly not being in charge of his mind, has implications not only for the fallen priest, but for the whole of Zimbabwe.

The demented octogarian Robert Mugabe had, in Pius Ncube, a fearless critic and adversary. One protected by the visibility of his exalted position and also by the daunting influence and reach of Rome.

Hate him though he did, or still does, the Roman Catholic (yes!) megalomaniac-Mugabe, would have thought twice before ordering up some poorly thought-through muzzling or elimination. It wouldn’t have been easy to orchestrate a car or other accident to rid himself of ‘this troublesome priest.’ Instead, Ncube has been the author and architect of his own reputational ‘demise’. Making of himself a laughing stock into the bargain. Not only do you not expect (if it all proves to be true) the Archbishop to be on quite such an intimate footing with a female assistant, but choosing a married person for the diversion, is surely asking for trouble. Worse, as a Roman Catholic priest, Ncube’s supposed to be a celibate. I don’t say this judgmentally, but rather with a deep sense of sadness for the havoc that such a poor example must wreak in the minds of young priests battling with their own turbulent senses.

Did Mugabe’s ghastly security apparatchik ‘orchestrate’ the event by placing someone attractive to the then-Archbishop in a close setting with him? We’ll never know I guess, but whether they had a hand in it or not, a voice for freedom, justice and transparency has now been relegated to the ranks of those sans credibility. The loss is way more grievous than one of mere chastity, dignity and reputation. It’s a loss on the side of human rights and the downtrodden in Zimbabwe

Go read the Swami Shivapadananda Blog

Posted by Clive Simpkins